10/4/12
I’m standing at the kitchen counter making lunch for the next day. I vowed to myself that I would not have another morning like this morning! I hate starting the day in chaos. Sometimes all that is needed is a little active planning.
Dinner tonight was quite successful. It made for a nice evening... Why? Because I started last night. Geez Louise, this Happy Homemaker stuff is for the birds.
Nevertheless.... everyone is fed, happy, and organized onto the next step. I set up the coffee pot for the morning as well. The dishwasher is already cleaning the days ware... except for - of course - the dishes Charlee is still eating off of. She is the last one at the table... always. No matter. I am still WAY ahead of the game. Feeling good...
I scooped out some peanut butter and slathered it on the bread, doing a little happy mommy jig as I did.
It was at this moment it all went sour.....
An odd sound came from Charlee’s direction... Why? Well, because the rotten kid just near choked to death on her mouthful of food. Why? Because she just witnessed her mother attempting to dance. She held her hand over her mouth, trying to catch the rice pieces that were flying about each time she unsuccessfully held back her laughter.
Through her clenching teeth, she questioned? “MOM? {insert pause so her cute little nostrils could gasp for a breath of air} What was that?!”
I needed a moment to catch up to what the what was she was referring to..... then I realized, it was me.
Me?
Me?!
“What do you mean?” She spewed out another piece of rice at my bewildered inquiry, still not able to swallow. Rice bits clung precariously to her lips, and through her self-imposed lockjaw she managed to mutter, “What? Are. You. Doing!?”
I was now fully on board. “What?” Turning back to my PB & J I re-danced my jig, “I’m happy... I’m dancing.”
That un-swallowed mouthful was thus far not under control, and when I started to dance again, she had to jump up from the table so she would not choke. No longer able - or trying! - to contain her mouthful, she shouted a garbled “MOM!” Rice shot in the air... and into her hand... and on the table...
Good grief?! Am I really that funny? Or bad? Or... what?! All I know is that this kid is messing with my happy moment... my successful I’m-on-top-of-it evening is being ruined by rice being shot all over my dining room.
“Charlee!? What? What is so funny?!” She choked another laugh back, as if to say ‘How could you not know?!’ “Stop!” another piece of rice flew... “Seriously, STOP. You’re making a mess...” (Forget the fact that she is going to inhale chunks into her lungs. Right now if I had to Heimlich her I fear I might be tempted to perform it with unnecessary vigor...) “MMooomm??” Her hands clamped over her mouth and she looked at me like I was nuts. Nuts because how could I possibly be mad at her, when this is clearly all my fault! After all... the dancing fool... the parental court jester!
I said what any mother that has reach my state of embarrassing-mother-status would say, “I’m going to punish you if you don’t stop!”
At that moment she finally squeezed down that long awaited swallow. Just in time to beam a huge toothy grin, sans rice, and say, “I think it’s already a little too late for that!”
Rotten kid, you’re so pleased with your funny-ha-ha... and you think watching that dance was punishment? Stick around kid... next time I’m going to wait until your drinking... and then watch you deal with nose squirts.....
I stood there for a moment - baffled - with my peanut-buttered knife in hand, “So, what does it mean when your daughter laughs at you when you attempt to dance...” She mimicked my moves as only Charlee could, and said, “It means don’t do it again.” (Okay... so yea... I'm laughing with her....)
I turned to the sink to wash the knife... she came up to my side, put her hand on my shoulder - - maybe to console me, maybe to steady me and keep me from charging her - - then giggled through, “You should be a professional.” (Uh... Didn’t I mention I had a knife in my hand?) {insert shoulder pat, pat, rub, rub.} “No seriously, Mom. I would pay to see that again...”
No worries people. She is fine... In fact, after I read her this documented proof of child abuse story she seemed to have a change of heart... Over and over she tried to make amends or retract with “I think I was just really tired. Really.... r e a l l y tired.”
{Just for the record... I wasn't that bad.... check out this Parental moment - willingly - caught on video. Disco Dad Dances to Bieber
And another, just because... Justin Bieber Wedding Dance.* *No children were harmed during this video :)}
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